Dead give aways that you are a mom

When new acquaintances say, "Tell me about yourself." "What do you do for fun?" "What hobbies do you have?" "If you could define yourself in three words - what would they be?"  as a mom of small children, your answers are drastically different than they were pre-motherhood.

"Tell me about yourself."
I am a mom of 2 kids: a 2.5 year old and an 8 year old.  That's it.  Oh, I'm a teacher too. Sometimes I forget that I do anything other than taking care of my kids."

"What do you do for fun?"
I'm sorry I don't understand the question.  "Um, I like to go to work because it is less stressful than being at home. When I am at home, I enjoy the hours between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m.  That is when the house is quiet, I can talk on the phone, check my email, and restore my home from it's state of wreckage.

"What hobbies do you have?"
If by hobbies you mean, what do I do when I do not have my children, I clean my house, do the grocery shopping, and sleep. Sometimes I read, but usually I fall asleep 3 pages in.

"If you could define yourself in 3 words, what would they be?"
Tired, bruised, agreeable (to anything that keeps my kids from screaming)

Other changes when you have small children:

• Your purse gets larger each year and is 3/4 full of "stuff" for your kids - diapers, wipes, extra pacifiers, candy (or "Be quiet" food as I like to call it), stain stick, crayons, stuffed animals, Matchbox cars, Kleenex, etc. 
• Your "weekend clothes" double as pajamas - yoga pants and t-shirts. 
• Restaurant options must include either a drive through, CarSide to-go, or (the best) DELIVERY. 
• Nothing precious or breakable in your home is less than 5 feet off the ground. 
• Meal choices are not limited to typical foods. Corn dogs for breakfast - why not? Pancakes for dinner, sure. Four yogurts for dinner - whatever. Cereal for all three meals -I don't care. 
• Time with your children gives you new roles - search and rescue volunteer, disaster recovery expert, and defensive coordinator. 
• Bathroom breaks and showers are a race against the clock - when you don't have eyes on the kids, the worst is probably occurring. 
• You are so familiar with Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Dora, and Imagination Movers that when flipping through the channels, you say, "Wait! Don't change the channel. I haven't seen this one." or their frequent phrases get stuck in your head, "We got four more Gold Doubloons! Let's grab 'em and go!" "Vamanos!" "I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map. I'M THE MAP!"  "This is an idea emergency!"
• Your car radio is programmed to carefully selected channels. The first day your kindergartener walks into school singing a Nicki Minaj song, you know changes must be made. 
• You spend your Christmas money purchasing an iPod or tablet for your child in order to regain rights of your phone (and a few minutes of peace and quiet).

I'm sure there are more, and I'm certain that once I have a teenager, I will have a WHOLE new list. Check back in 4 years for that post. ;)